Home > Meet Sara > Meet Sara…Toxic People In Her Life

Meet Sara…Toxic People In Her Life


A few weeks ago I introduced you to my client Sara, whose goal in hiring me was to help her achieve her “bikini body.”  In that first installment, I revealed the steps I used to completely overhaul her nutritional lifestyle.  By incorporating my “Baby Steps,” protocol, I was to put Sara on the path to the body she’s always wanted.  In the second installment, I revealed the supplement program I devised for Sara, to specifically target the fat deposits on her hips and thighs.  I also provided scientific references demonstrating that body fat “spot reduction” is possible.  These are the same supplements I’ve used with numerous women whose main issue is the difficult-to-target fat on their hips and thighs.  In this installment, I will reveal how Sara was able to overcome the most difficult and challenging obstacle in her path for her “bikini body.”

The biggest obstacle for Sara’s quest for a healthy, lean body, wasn’t preparing 5 daily meals, nor was it finding time to work out while working full-time and caring for her two young children.  The threat was from a more insidious source…her “best friends.”                                                                                                                                                    Living in military housing provides certain advantages over living off-base in civilian housing.  Military housing provides a sense of community, a sense of comfort in knowing that other spouses, who are facing similar challenges, are right next door if you ever need assistance.  For Sara, this sense of “community,” would threaten to undo all the progress she had accomplished towards her goal.                                                                                                                                                                       Every Wednesday and Saturday evening, Sara and a few military wives would get together for “movie night.”  The group consisted of wives whose husbands were currently deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq, and these get-togethers provided the women not only a social outlet, but the opportunity to talk with other women facing similar hardships.  Every week, the women would meet at a different household, with everyone bring a prepared dish.

The Trouble Starts

Three months into my “Baby Steps” nutritional plan, Sara started brining her own foods to the get-together.  The prepared dishes brought by the other wives, were mostly processed foods, consisting of empty calories…foods rich in calories, but void of any nutritional value.  The highlight of the get-togethers, were the numerous desserts available, or depending on whose house they were at, the do-it-yourself banana split station.  Motivated by her success and changes in body composition, Sara started bringing her own food to these meetings.  Initially, the women teased Sara, jokingly tempting her with pizza and brownies, while she was eating her lean protein and green vegetables.  But as Sara continued losing body fat, specifically in her hips and thighs, and her clothes began fitting too big on her, jealously arouse.  At first the comments seemed innocent:

“Come on, just one small piece of cake won’t hurt.”

“It’s low-fat ice cream…it’s not that bad.”

Then one summer day, the wives decided to take their children to the base swimming pool.  At that point, Sara was 5 months into her transformation and had lost 26 pounds of fat.  While she didn’t feel confident enough to wear a bikini, she did wear a one piece swimsuit.  The other wives wore shorts and t-shirts.  It was at this point that their remarks took a malicious tone:

“You’re always working out… don’t you feel bad taking time away from the boys?

“Eating all that protein can’t be good for you…I hear it’s bad for your kidneys.”

“You’re looking too skinny.”

Toxic People

Depending on whether you’re male or female, you might be surprised by the lack of enthusiasm and support Sara’s friends demonstrated.  But unfortunately, this type of behavior is very common.  So what “error” did Sara commit to become the object of her friends’ scorn?    She interrupted the status quo.

While Sara was well on her way to accomplishing her goal of fat loss, she became a visual reminder of her friend’s own failed attempts at fat loss…sparking negative reactions.  Before Sara hired me, one of their favorite topics of discussion at their get-togethers was fat loss.  Often, the women would share their favorite “diet books,” and magazines which promised to tone up their sagging body parts in only 10 minutes a day.  There was always a lot of talk, but very little action.  Sara’s success served to magnify their lack of commitment to a healthier lifestyle.

“In some ways, your weight loss becomes a symbol of their inability to accomplish their goals, so they may begin to act resentful — or even mean — oftentimes without even realizing they are doing so,” says Christian Holle, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at William Patterson University in Wayne, N.J.

“You may find that they are suddenly excluding you from activities, saying mean things, taunting you about your new body or even your new clothes — all born of resentment about not being able to achieve their own weight loss goals,” says Warren Huberman, PhD, a psychologist who often counsels patients in conjunction with the New York University Program for Surgical Weight Loss.

So what did Sara do?  The first step was discussing with her friends how their remarks were hurting her and making her feel uncomfortable at their get-togethers.  In a gesture of good will, Sara offered to help her friends with their fat loss, willing to teach them how she structured her life to successfully accomplish her goals, while caring for her children and working full-time.  No one took her up on the offer.  Eventually, Sara lost contact with some of her “friends,” however she doesn’t regret choosing to live a healthier life.  Sara now has more energy and a positive outlook on life.  She realized that only by becoming the best person possible, could she then become the best mother for her children.

Next week I will reveal the  training program that gave Sara her head-turning legs. 

Categories: Meet Sara
  1. March 12, 2010 at 07:42

    Hey again, Jess!

    Super inspiring to hear that you too have a background as an occupational therapist. Appreciate you sharing the info.

    Also trying to carry out the estrogen detox myself. Diet’s good, exercise’s been hard for decades (maybe even too? anxious to read about Sara’s training program) and I’m eating the DIMs and Estro Detox. I just so hope that there’s gonna be some change at last. Fat% is now prolly below 17% since it’s gone a bit down since last measurement and my Biosig profile shows the estrogen problem loud and clear… As does my appearance ;-D

    Anyway, already enthusiastically waiting for the next Sara revelation! Greeting to her, btw, looking fabulous!

  2. March 12, 2010 at 09:38

    Thank you for the kind words. Didn’t know you were doing the Biosig…you must be working with Kaisa. She’s very smart! I noticed on the Crossfit web site, you practice Brazilian Jiu-jitsu. How long have you been involved? I’ve been going to a local Royce Gracie school…I love the challenge. By the way, I’m very impressed with your free-diving. I’m a former US Navy Diver, so I appreciate the talent involved. Keep up the good work,
    Jess Banda

  3. March 12, 2010 at 14:06

    Yes, with Kaisa, she’s smart, inspiring and nice and so willing to share her knowledge I just try to learn from her. I’m doing the Biosig kind of with the left hand… I didn’t particularly have any weight or fat loss issues but did it for the general interest into hormones. Makes one understand herself more and therefore other people.

    Now I’m sort of starting to really want this estro detox thing and even more seeing your impressive results here. Also good to try change some trickier stuff self when I’m constantly demanding my clients to do that… 🙂 Gives perpective like nothing else, grrrh 😉 (and not like paying clients: I do couching as a hobby, at least for now)

    I did do BJJ for a couple of years and loved it but unfortunately not anymore. I had to give up the more serious wrestling after I first broke my toe, then my rib and then my rib again! Can’t bare to be broken all the time. That’s what you get from wrestling with guys three times as big that are beginners, sigh. I still do wrestle occasionally (like tomorrow!) but only with people I know are skilled enough.

    And free-diving’s just brilliant. I did scuba for ten years and now I wouldn’t go back. Respect for being the Navy Diver! Hard work. Been in a company that sells the stuff, suits and gear, for the fire department.

    Long story, but thanks for caring (if you’ve read this far) 🙂 Take care!

  1. March 16, 2010 at 10:27
  2. March 26, 2010 at 07:24

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